When I present as a woman, I always use the restroom that matches my presentation, most often the ladies’ room, occasionally the family restroom, and never the men’s room. At first, I was a bit nervous about using the women’s restroom, but I made sure to sit when peeing and never had any issues.
Unlike men’s restrooms, where strangers rarely interact, women in the ladies’ room often strike up casual conversations. I never initiate, but I’ve lost count of how many times strangers have approached me usually with a compliment about my outfit. Most exchanges end there, though a few chatty women have kept me talking, and I’ve managed those conversations without trouble. No one has ever reacted badly or accused me of being out of place.
I believe it helps that my presentation is convincing enough that, at worst, people hesitate to question me. Even though I don’t alter my voice, my vocabulary and mannerisms are feminine, which completes the impression.
That said, I do worry about safety these days. My ham radio group holds an annual fall conference across the U.S. and Canada. This year, the chosen location was Knoxville, Tennessee ironically one of the last places I would have picked, given that the state ranks worst in the U.S. for trans and LGBTQ rights. Tennessee law could even criminalize me for using the ladies’ restroom.
Usually, our conferences are hosted in hotels, where I could simply run back to my room if needed. But this time, the event was planned for a convention center two blocks away. At my age, I couldn’t risk making it to my room in time without an accident, and I was unsure about attending.
As it turned out, I didn’t need to decide, my group canceled the conference last week for logistical reasons, unrelated to LGBTQ concerns. Honestly, it was a close call. It might have turned into a very real “MAGA moment,” and now I wonder whether I’ll face similar challenges at other conferences, such as Hamvention in Ohio, which isn’t known for LGBTQ acceptance either.
Maybe my spotless track record in the ladies’ room means I’ll be fine. But with laws increasingly written against people like me, I have to ask myself: is it worth the risk?
